My Crazy Life with Four Slashers and a Little Girl
by Wolflove1o1
Summary: A series of self-insert one-shots featuring me, Ghostface, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, and Jamie Loyd. If you decide to read this, you HAVE to read the first chapter! After that, it's ENTIRELY up to you. Inspired by the fanfics by SplatterCatCreations on DeviantArt. Also, Jamie is about 9 in these fics.
1. What The Deal Is (PLEASE READ!)

As the summary said, this is a collection of self-insert one-shots starring me, Michael Myers, Jamie Loyd, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, and Ghostface. We are all living in the old Myers' home. These one-shots are basically things that happen every now and then.

So, Freddy and Jason are dating and Ghostface has a HUGE crush on Michael. Jamie and I are just there because why not?

Michael and Jason are talking.

I don't feel comfortable revealing my real name, so everyone is just gonna call me by something based off of my DeviantArt name - Wolflove1o1. Therefore, everyone is just gonna call me "Wolf." I am female. The most important thing you should know about me in this story is that some days I am serious and other days I am just straight up CRAZY.

I MIGHT include other characters from other movies.

Everyone knows it is someone different behind the mask in every "Scream" movie, so the Ghostface of THESE stories is my OC, Timothy Krueger, or Tim for short. He is Freddy's younger brother.

That's all there is to know. The first one-shot is in the next chapter. Enjoy. R&R.

Last but not least, I only own myself.

Also, if you have any suggestions for future one-shots, let me know with your review. Don't PM me, because I don't allow PMs.


	2. Babysitting

_**I only own myself**_

* * *

 **Title:** Babysitting

 **Genre:** Family/Humor

 **Rating:** K+

* * *

 _Halloween Night (My POV)_

Ghostface, Jamie, and I were sitting on the couch watching _Night of the Living Dead_. The original from 1968, that is. Jason was asleep on the couch, but he was laughing and tossing and turning in his sleep. I figured his boyfriend, Freddy, was tickling him flirtatiously in his dream. Again. It was Halloween night and we had just gotten home from taking Jamie out. Michael came downstairs.

"I'm going out. As you guys know, I have work. Can you guys watch Jamie?"

Jason woke up and suddenly sat up. Freddy flew out of Jason's head and crashed into the wall. "OW! DAMNIT, HOCKEY PUCK! WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!"

Jason gasped. "Sorry."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. We'll watch over her."

Michael nodded. "Good. Thank you, Wolf. See you all later. And make sure she is in bed by ten."

Jamie nodded. "Yes, Uncle Michael."

"Good girl." With that, Michael left.

The SECOND he left Jamie grabbed the remote and turned off the TV.

Ghostface and I immediately started protesting. "HEY!" we shouted in unison.

"That movie was boring. Let's do something else," Jamie explained.

Ghostface took the remote from her and turned the TV back on. "Fine. Just don't to that again."

I turned to Jamie. "So what do you want to do?"

Jamie grinned. "Make slime!"

"Okay," I said.

Freddy, Jason, and Ghostface's eyes grew wide. "NO!" they shouted in unison.

I looked at them quizzically. "Why not?"

"Don't you remember the LAST time she made slime?!" Freddy asked.

Jason shuddered at the memory.

I rolled my eyes. "She was seven then. She's NINE now. I'm sure it will be fine," I turned to her. "Let's go into the kitchen."

Freddy rolled his eyes. "Fine. But if there's a mess, YOU'RE cleaning it up, Wolf!"

"Deal." With that, Jamie and I went into the kitchen.

I also gathered the supplies she was going to need. A bowl, some food coloring, glue, saline solution, baking soda, Michael's shaving cream, glitter, and a spoon

Jamie looked at the bowl and said, "The bowl is too small."

"Okay," I said, somewhat suspicious. So I returned the bowl and brought back a larger bowl.

"Still not large enough."

I rolled my eyes and got the biggest bowl Michael had.

"STILL not big enough," Jamie said, getting annoyed.

I was getting annoyed myself. "This is the biggest bowl in the HOUSE! How big IS this slime going to be, anyway?"

Jamie smirked. "You'll see. And there IS a bigger bowl. Well, it isn't exactly a bowl, but it still works! Come with me."

So I gathered up the supplies and she led me up the stairs and into the bathroom.

When we entered the bathroom, Jamie looked straight ahead and said, "THAT'S what I need."

My eyes grew wide. "I am NOT emptying the toilet!"

Jamie facepalmed. "I'm not talking about the toilet. I'm talking about the bathtub.

My eye twitched. "I'm not sure your uncle would be very happy if you made slime in his tub."

"Aww," Jamie moaned.

"I mean it, Jamie. Let's go downstairs."

"Fine. Set the supplies here and go get the bowl," Jamie sighed in defeat.

I nodded and set down the supplies I was carrying. "Okay. It's probably better to do it in here than in the kitchen." I turned around and left.

Unfortunately for me, Jamie wasn't giving up so easily. The SECOND I set foot out of the bathroom, she closed the door and locked it. As soon as I heard the click, I spun around and started pounding on the door. "JAMIE! OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT!"

Jamie was giggling inside. "No way! I can't BELIEVE you fell for the oldest trick in the book!"

"OPEN THIS DOOR!"

"Or what?" Jamie said, somewhat snarkily.

"OR I'LL KICK IT DOWN!"

"Uncle Michael wouldn't be too pleased if you did that. Besides, Wolf, there is NO WAY you're strong enough to do that."

I kicked the door, but nothing happened. "Damn it, you're right," Pissed off, I went back downstairs.

Ghostface, Jason, and Freddy were on the couch, continuing the movie. "What was that thumping?" Ghostface asked.

"And where's Jamie?" Freddy added.

"Jamie locked herself in the bathroom with her slime supplies. I think she's going to use the bathtub as her slime bowl," I explained.

"Oh no..." Ghostface murmured.

"How did you even let that happen?!" Freddy demanded.

"I fell for a trick she pulled, okay?!" I snapped.

We heard footsteps upstairs. They went into Jamie's bedroom and then back to the bathroom. We heard the door close.

Ghostface smiled. "I got this." He went upstairs.

I wasn't a hundred percent sure what happened up there. I just know we heard Ghostface walk up to the bathroom and yell, "SWEET HOLY MOTHER OF NORMAN BATES! PUT THAT DOWN!"

There was a loud bang and the three of us downstairs were startled.

"Um... Sh-should we be concerned?" I asked.

Ghostface came back downstairs covered in pink glitter.

Freddy, Jason, and I fell over from laughing so hard.

"Very funny," Ghostface said sarcastically. "Who's idea was it to buy her a BB gun for Christmas again?

"Um... you?" Jason answered.

* * *

 _Flashback ~ Christmas (Ghostface's POV)_

 _"Here's my gift for you, Jamie!" I said excitedly as I handed Jamie a long box._

 _"Wow! I wonder what it is!" Jamie said excitedly as she tore off the wrapping paper. "WOW! A BB GUN! Thanks, Ghostface!"_

 _Michael did a fake smile. "Yes. Very nice. Umm... Ghostface? Can I have a word with you in the kitchen?"_

 _"Sure," I responded, feeling a little uneasy due to the tone of Michael's voice._

 _The two of us went into the kitchen._

 _Michael started angrily stage whispering to imply that he was yelling. "A BB GUN?! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!"  
_

 _"I'm sorry! I just thought it would be a good idea for her to learn how to handle one!"_

 _A loud bang rang out through the house._

 _Our eyes grew wide and we rushed back into the living room. The sight that greeted us was really ... something._

 _Freddy was lying on the floor clutching his crotch. Jason and Wolf were lying on the floor laughing their heads off. Jamie was inspecting her new BB gun._

 _Michael's eyes grew wide. "What HAPPENED in here?"_

 _Wolf, who was still dying of laughter, managed to wheeze out an explanation. "Jamie_ _opened it up to test it out, so Jason and I gave her a quick rundown of how it worked. We told her to fire, she had to pull the trigger and she said, 'What, like this?' and she pulled the trigger but she had the gun pointed at Freddy's pants!"_

 _I burst out laughing and, surprisingly, so did Michael. Both of us were laughing so hard, we fell over._

 _"It's not funny!" Freddy grunted in pain._

 _"It is a BIT funny!" Wolf responded._

 _In between laughs, Michael got closer to me and whispered, "Well, if she's gonna use it on Krueger, she can have it."_

 _I felt my face grow hot. That was about as close Michael had ever gotten to me. My cheeks were burning. Man, I hope that one day Mikey would be mine._

* * *

 _End Flashback (My POV)_

Ghostface facepalmed. "Right ... Anyway, she got her BB gun, loaded it with glitter and fired it at me when I opened the door. I guess she forgot to lock it again when she went to get it from her room."

I took all this into consideration. Glitter is VERY annoying and a pain in the butt to get out of, well, ANYTHING really. "HOW much glitter is there?"

"Well, obviously the majority of it is on me. But there is some on the walls and the floor just outside the bathroom in the hall. Also, I tracked glitter down the stairs into the living room," Ghostface explained.

I facepalmed. "Great. Krueger, Younger Krueger, and Voorhees, y'all are helping me out with this."

"No WAY! We had a deal - if there's a mess, YOU'RE cleaning it up, Wolf!" Freddy argued.

"I had NOTHING to do with that frikkin' BB gun. You're all gonna help me."

"And what if we refuse?"

"Well, cleaning up glitter alone will take a while and Michael might be home by the time I finish and I'll get busted. If I get busted, I'm taking you all down with me. If you help, we MIGHT get it all done before Michael gets home and he will never have to know."

"All right. You lead the cleanup," Freddy caved.

I smiled. "Good. Ghostface, you go clean up your robe. I'll scrub the hallway walls and floor. Freddy can take care of the glitter down here and Jason can take care of the stairway. Get to your stations. Go."

With that we grabbed whatever it was we were going to need and raced to our assigned places.

* * *

 _(Freddy's POV)_

I can't believe I'm f**king DOING this. Jase is on the stairs, vacuuming fiercely. I was frantically using a dustpan to try and sweep up the glitter, but some of the specs weren't budging. Ugh! Why did it have to be GLITTER of all things?!

Ghostface raced past me holding his cloak, boots, and mask. He had changed into a black T-shirt and jeans. It was the first time in a long time I had seen my brother's face. He had blue eyes - like me - and brown hair in the style of a Japanese Anime character. He also had a scar on his cheek and chin from a previous struggle with Sidney Prescott.

He raced into the basement. Probably straight to the washing machine. The glitter specs STILL aren't budging. Jesus! This is gonna take forever. Note to self, kill Wolf in her sleep. Then again, if I did that, Michael would kill me in MY sleep. Oh, well. I'll get her back SOMEhow.

* * *

 _(Jason's POV)_

It's been a long time since I've cleaned ANYTHING. The LAST time I cleaned something, it was my room when I was twelve. I wasn't a hundred percent sure what I was doing, but I knew I had to get this glitter cleaned up before Michael got home, otherwise, he might kill us. But glitter is so STUBBORN! I was vacuuming fiercely at the glitter, but it just wouldn't BUDGE! For all I knew, we were dead.

As I'm vacuuming, I'm wondering is what Jamie is doing. Probably making a huge slime in Michael's bathtub. Like last time. Only last time, it somehow exploded and got all over the house. It took us MONTHS to get rid of it all.

I just hope that doesn't happen ... again.

* * *

 _(Ghostface's POV)_

Let's see... I already shook out most of the glitter into the garbage, but there's still some left. Oh, well. Laundry detergent, water - warm, gentle cycle, yup, that's everything. I'm not used to being out of my traditional uniform, but I'll just have to make do until then. While that's being done, I'm gonna go see if the others need help with anything.

So I went over to the living room. "Hey, you guys need help?"

"Yes! Thank you!" Jason said immediately.

"All right. What can I do to help?"

Jason shrugged. "Maybe you can pick out this glitter by hand."

I knew THAT would take FOREVER but I was pretty much out of options, so I went for it.

* * *

 _A half-hour later... (My POV)_

I don't know HOW we did it, but we managed to get the last speck of glitter in the trash. Ghostface's "uniform" was as good as new, but he refused to let it dry. So he's spending the rest of the night in a soaking wet robe, soaking wet combat boots, and a soaking wet mask.

"So how are getting Jamie out of the bathroom. It's 8:30! What are we gonna DO?" I asked.

"I'm gonna go confront her," Freddy said as he stood up.

"But she's armed, remember?" Ghostface said with a shudder.

"Fine. Come with me."

"No WAY!"

"Jason?"

"I don't wanna end up like Ghostface."

"Wolf?"

"How about this. We ALL go," I suggested.

"NO!" Ghostface and Jason said in unison.

"It will be better is there are more of us than there are of her."

"Good point," Jason sighed in defeat and stood up.

"Ghostface?"

"You guys want to get covered in pink glitter, you be my guest. I'm staying here and finishing the movie."

"That can wait. Come with us," I said getting impatient.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

Puppy-eyes time. "Pwease?"

"No."

I had enough of this. "Come with us right now, or I'll buy tickets to a Justin Bieber concert and force you to go."

"All right! Let's go upstairs!" Ghostface shouted and he jumped off the couch.

We all went up the stairs and I pounded on the door. "JAMIE! OPEN UP!"

"Okay!" Jamie called from inside.

We exchanged confused looks. NONE of us expected her to cave so easily. As she said, she opened the door. The sight shocked us all.

Jamie was wearing her pink one-piece swimsuit and purple goggles. She was COVERED in what looked like gray slop. And the bathtub was full of the same stuff. Empty glue bottles, baking soda boxes, shaving cream cans, food coloring bottles, and saline solution containers were scattered on the floor. Our mouths hung open. Then Jamie held up a large container of vinegar and went to add it to the slime.

"NO! THERE'S BAKING SODA IN THERE! DON'T DO IT!" I shouted.

Too late.

The slime foamed up and burst EVERYWHERE. It even swept us off our feet and the next thing we knew, we were all stuck to the ceiling and the walls.

* * *

 _2 Hours Later... (Michael's POV)_

After I disposed of the bodies from my killing spree, I realized it was 10:30 and I should be getting home. So I did. When I walked in, no one was in the living room or the kitchen. It was quiet, which worried me somewhat.

"Hello? Anyone here?"

"Michael?! Is that you?!" I heard Wolf call. She sounded pretty relieved.

"Yes!" I called.

"We're upstairs! Come quick!" Jason shouted.

"It happened again!" Freddy added.

"Could you be more specific?" I asked as I climbed the stairs.

"I made slime!" Jamie said excitedly.

Slime? Oh no...

Sure enough, when I got to the top of the steps, I saw what had happened. Wolf and Ghostface were stuck on the left hallway wall, Freddy and Jason were on the hallway ceiling, and Jamie was on the right wall of the bathroom. All of them were held in place by gray slime.

I sighed and facepalmed. "Who?" I asked.

Ghostface, Freddy and Jason looked at Wolf. Wolf's cheeks turned red with embarrassment.

I sighed again. "Looks like I'll be helping you guys down. Again."

 **The End**


	3. Spider

_**I own no one. Just me.**_

* * *

 **Title:** Spider

 **Rating:** K+

 **Genre:** Humor/Family

* * *

 _Sometime in the Spring. (Jamie's POV)_

Wolf's not a girly girl and Ghostface is male. A GAY male, but still male. So why did they agree to my tea party? Probably I made cookies. And water instead of tea. Tea stains the carpet (Uncle Michael was REALLY mad about the LAST time I had a tea party) and Wolf has never really been fond of it (I don't think Pinhead would approve of that). So we were having a tea - well, I guess it's a WATER party since it's water instead of tea - party and then all of a sudden Wolf jumped from her seat, her face full of terror.

" _SWEET LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA! THERE'S A DEMON FROM HELL ON THE WALL!_ " she screamed.

"Really?" Ghostface asked and looked at the wall behind me. Then he did what Wolf did, and jumped up from his seat. "HOLY MOTHER OF NORMAN BATES!"

I turned around and on the wall was a _GIANT spider covered in FUR!_

"HOLY COW!" I screamed as I jumped from my seat. The three of us pressed ourselves against the opposite wall, breathing heavily.

"J-Jamie? Go. Get. Your uncle," Wolf instructed.

"W-what about that monster?" I asked.

"We're gonna keep an eye on it," Ghostface assured.

So I bolted downstairs. Uncle Michael, Jason, and Freddy were watching some movie where people get naked with each other. "Uncle Michael?" I called.

"HOLY BEJEEBUS!" Uncle Michael shouted as he turned off the TV.

"Hey! Why'd you turn off my porn?" Freddy whined.

"Honey, there's a CHILD PRESENT!" Jason explained.

"SO?!"

"WE MUST PRESERVE HER INNOCENCE WHILE IT LASTS!"

I found this as an opportunity to get Freddy in trouble. So I started whining. "Who's idea was it to play this awful stuff while I'm in the house?!"

Uncle Michael and Jason immediately pointed at Freddy. "HE TALKED US INTO IT!" They shouted in unison.

"Oh, sure! Hang me out to dry!" Freddy said while throwing his hands into the air.

"You evil, evil man!" I whined.

"Anyway, what is it, Jamie?" Uncle Michael asked.

Before I could say a word, there was screaming from upstairs.

 _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! IT'S MOVING!"_ Ghostface screeched.

 _"HURRY UP, YOU GUYS!_ Wolf added.

"What's moving?" Uncle Michael asked.

"A spider," I responded.

Freddy laughed. "They're freaking out over a teensy little spider?"

"No. They're freaking out over a huge spider covered in fur."

Jason shuddered a little.

"All right. I'll go take care of it," Uncle Michael said as he stood up.

"Great!" I shouted and I bolted up the stairs with Uncle Michael right behind me.

* * *

 _(My POV)_

That monster was now on the ceiling. And it was CLOSER to us. Luckily, Jamie came back with Michael.

"So where's this spider?" Michael asked.

"THERE!" Ghostface and I shouted in unison and pointed to the ceiling.

Michael looked at the spider. "HOLY COCONUTS! IT'S _HUGE!_ "

"Holy ... coconuts?" Ghostface asked.

"It was just the first thing that came into my head."

"Ah."

"CAN WE JUST FOCUS ON THAT THING?!" I shouted, pointing at the spider.

"Oh. Right. Um ... JASON! CAN WE BORROW YOUR MACHETE?!" Michael hollered.

"MY PRIZED MACHETE?! _ARE YOU CRAZY?! **HELL! NO!"**_ Jason shouted.

"Why not just use your flame thrower?" I asked.

Michael looked nervous. "Um ... I don't have a flame thrower. What gave you the idea that I have a flame thrower?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Subtlety, Michael. Look it up. Also, I did some fishing around your room while you weren't home and found it under your bed. I figured you use it on Bacon Boy every now and then."

"What were you doing my room?!" Michael asked.

"I was looking for your backup mechanic suit and mask,"

"Why did you need those?"

"School stuff!" I said with a grin.

"Riiiiiight," Michael said. He probably doesn't believe me. But he didn't push any further.

At this point, Freddy and Jason showed up.

"OH MY STEPHEN KING! IT'S EVEN BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT!" Freddy shouted.

"SWEET MOTHER O' MINE! I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE _THAT_ BACK AT CRYSTAL LAKE!" Jason yelped.

"JASON! USE YOUR MACHETE!" Ghostface shouted.

"NO WAY! I ONLY WANT TEENAGE BLOOD ON MY MACHETE! NO OFFENSE, WOLF!"

"NONE TAKEN!" I yelled.

"BESIDES, I DON'T THINK MY MACHETE WILL DO ANY DAMAGE TO THAT THING!"

"MICHAEL! GO GET YOUR FLAME THROWER!" I demanded.

"MICHAEL HAS A FLAME THROWER?!" Freddy yelped half from fear, half from annoyance.

We ignored Freddy and Michael raced off.

* * *

 _(Michael's POV)_

There is a monster in Jamie's room. Maybe Wolf is right. Maybe my flame thrower will work. I ran into my room and dove under the bed. I crawled back out with my flame thrower in my hand. I only planned on using it on Krueger if he ever decided to be annoying, but this time, I have to make an exception.

I raced back into Jamie's room and straight to where the spider was.

"YOU ACTUALLY _DO_ HAVE A FLAME THROWER?!" Freddy screamed.

I decided to ignore that as I carefully aimed my weapon. I pulled the trigger and a burst flames exited the weapon.

But the spider MOVED and now Jamie's roof is on fire.

I guess Freddy didn't want a repeat of his past, because he yelled, "I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!" and raced out of the room.

And Ghostface, being Ghostface, yelled after him, "NEVER SAY 'I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!' IN A HORROR MOVIE!"

"WILL YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT HORROR MOVIES FOR _ONCE_ IN YOUR _LIFE?!_ " Jamie asked.

"WHAT?! THERE'S A _MONSTER_ IN HERE, ERGO WE ARE IN A HORROR MOVIE! PLUS WE ARE HORROR MOVIE _STARS!_ WELL, ALL EXCEPT WOLF, THAT IS!"

"WHY ARE WE YELLING?!" Wolf asked.

"BECAUSE OF THE SPIDER!" Ghostface responded.

At that moment, Freddy returned with the fire extinguisher. But he was really hysterical with his aim. The next thing Jason and I knew, we were covered in fire extinguisher foam.

"OOPS! SORRY, GUYS!" Freddy yelled.

"SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S WITH THE CAPSLOCK?!" Wolf yelled.

"THE SPIDER!" Ghostface responded.

I rolled my eyes. "GIVE ME THAT!" I shouted as I snatched the fire extinguisher from Freddy. Then I put out the fire.

"AAAAAAAAGH! IT'S ON THE WALL WE'RE CLOSEST TO!" Ghostface screamed.

"FORGET WHAT I SAID EARLIER ABOUT WANTING JUST TEENAGER BLOOD ON MY MACHETE!" Jason hollered as he raced out of the room.

"I THOUGHT YOU ALSO SAID YOUR MACHETE WOULD DO ANY DAMAGE TO THAT THING!" I yelled after him.

"FORGET I SAID THAT, TOO! I HAVE TO TRY!" Jason responded.

* * *

 _(Jason's POV)_

Okay, so the flame thrower plan didn't work. Why the hell does Michael even HAVE a flame thrower? Probably to use it on my love puppy. The nerve of some people. Anyway, I grabbed my machete and raced back to the room. I still doubted my machete would do any damage to the beast, but I had to try. Besides, practically NOTHING survives a swing of my machete.

I raced in Jamie's room, went straight to the spider, and sung my machete with all my might.

Unfortunately, the spider moved AGAIN and my machete got stuck in the wall.

"GOOD GOING, HOCKEY PUCK!" Wolf shouted, sarcastically.

"HEY! ONLY _I_ GET TO CALL HIM THAT!" Freddy shouted.

Trust your lover to have your back.

I tried to pull out my machete, but it was wedged tight. "GUYS! I CAN'T PULL IT FREE!"

With these words, I felt Freddy's hands on my waist and I looked behind me. Holding Freddy's waist was Ghostface, holding Ghostface's waist was Michael, holding Michael's waist was Wolf, and holding Wolf's waist was Jamie.

"READY! SET! _PULL!_ " I shouted and we all pulled what/whoever we were holding. The was a loud _SHIIIIING!_ and we all tumbled backward in a heap.

"IT WORKED!" I shouted, holding up my machete in triumph.

"OF _COURSE_ IT WORKED! THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE _FOR!_ " Wolf responded.

We all laughed and stood up. Unfortunately, we were so focused on my MACHETE we forgot about the SPIDER. And we didn't remember it until it dropped from the ceiling and landed on Ghostface's face.

* * *

 _(Ghostface's POV)_

 _ **"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOOOOOOOOOOOFF!"**_ I screamed at the top of my lungs as though I were a five-year-old girl. But let's be real. Anyone self-respecting guy would've done the same thing.

The spider crawled down my face, across my chest, and onto my ARM. I panicked and started flapping my arm like a penguin trying to fly. But that stupid spider had an iron grip. And as if things weren't bad enough, the spider BIT me!

It must have been too much for my brain to handle, because the next thing I knew, the world went black.

* * *

 _(Still Ghostface's POV)_

I blinked my eyes open and saw the others looking down at me. I was on my bed, in my room. "W-what happened?" I asked.

"The spider bit you and you fainted," Wolf explained. "You would have hit the floor, but Michael caught you."

Michael ... CAUGHT me? The man of my dreams?

"Oh. Cool. Thanks, Michael," I said, unsure of what else to say.

"Anytime. By the way, as far the bite goes, don't worry. We did some research while you were out. The spider isn't poisonous," Michael explained.

"What HAPPENED to the spider?" I asked, beginning to panic that it was still loose somewhere in the house.

"Well," Freddy started. "After you fainted, I grabbed one of Jamie's Barie dolls and flicked it off of you with it. Then Jamie trapped it using one of her teacups. Wolf slid a piece of paper under the cup, brought it outside, and Jason finished it off with his machete. Michael carried you to your bed."

"So the spider is dead."

"Yes. Which ensures that it won't bother us ever again," Jason said.

"Do you guys think that its family and friends will come after us, though?" I asked.

Everyone exchanged uneasy looks.

"Lin, I hope not," Wolf responded.

 **The End**

* * *

 ** _Welp, I hope you guys liked that one. Also, you may have noticed I either said, "Lin" or "Lin-Manuel Miranda" instead of "God." That's because, to me, Lin-Manuel IS a god. This also holds true to Freddy's "Stephen King" line._**


	4. Pool

_**I'm back! Did you guys miss me? **crickets** No? That's what I thought.**_

 _ **I own myself and that's it.**_

* * *

 **Title:** Pool

 **Rating:** T (There are F-bombs, but they're censored.)

 **Genre:** Family/Humor

 _Sometime in the Summer (Freddy's POV)_

100 degrees. It's 100 f**king degrees outside. All the air conditioning is on, every fan is blowing, the lights are off, the curtains were closed and we are STILL sweating to death.

Michael and Wolf are lounging on the couch. Michael is wearing a navy blue T-shirt, black shorts, and his mask. Wolf is wearing a royal blue shirt and black shorts. Jamie, who is wearing a yellow and pink sundress, is on the floor next to Ghostface, who insisted on wearing his usual attire.

I was sitting in Jason's lap on the recliner. He is wearing his hockey mask, a white T-shirt that said "Camp Crystal Lake" in navy text and jean shorts. I'm wearing a red and green striped tank top and khaki pants.

"IT'S SO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" Ghostface whined.

"Maybe if you weren't wearing your f**king 'uniform,' you'd feel better!" I shot back.

"Watch your mouth, Krueger!" Michael snapped, gesturing to Jamie.

"Well, excuse the f**k out of me!" I retorted. The heat was frying my brain and making me crabbier than usual.

Michael glared at me. "Don't make me get my flame thrower."

I immediately shut up.

We were quiet for a few moments and then Wolf stuck out her tongue and started panting like - well - a wolf!

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked.

"Panting. It's what wolves do to keep cool, so I figured why not give it a try?" Wolf explained.

I shrugged. "Okay." So we all stuck out our tongues and started panting.

Michael was the first to stop. "If this keeps up, I'm gonna pass out," he said.

One by one, we stopped. After Michael was Jason, then Jamie, then Wolf, then Ghostface. I was the last man standing. But I guess I got a little carried away because the next thing I knew, the world went black.

* * *

 _(Jason's POV)_

"Guys! He fainted! Give him some air!" I shouted when Freddy slumped against me.

Wolf immediately grabbed a fan and blew it in Freddy's face. I was relieved when Freddy woke up. "Ahhhhh! Don't move! That feels nice!"

"Sorry, Bacon Boy. I can't have you hog all the cool air," Wolf said as put the fan back where it was. Freddy scowled at her.

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't have f**king fainted if you suggested that f**king panting method!" Freddy snapped.

"Krueger! Language!" Michael snapped.

"Why do you say that sh*t around me?" Jamie added.

Michael's eyes grew wide and he glared at Freddy. "You taught her that, didn't you?"

Freddy started to sweat and this time, it wasn't from the heat. "Maybe..."

Michael continued to glare at Freddy as he stood up. Freddy jumped up, too. "You have three seconds ..." Michael warned. "One..."

Freddy gulped.

"Three!" Michael shouted as he pounced.

"Three?! What happened to two?!" I shouted as I jumped in between them. Ghostface and Wolf also grabbed Michael and they struggled to keep him under control.

"No time for two!" Michael shouted.

"GUYS! GUYS! CALM DOWN!" Wolf screamed.

Michael broke free from their grips but sat back down on the couch. "The heat's really getting to us. We NEED to cool off." Suddenly his face lit up. "And I know just how to do it! Everyone! To the backyard!" he jumped up and raced to the backdoor.

We all looked at each other and decided to follow him. When we got there, Michael gestured to a giant green tarp.

"What's under there?" Wolf asked.

"What if I told you it's a pool?" Michael said, beaming.

I started to sweat, and not from the heat. Pool? Pools meant one thing - water. And I'm TERRIFIED of water.

"I'd say you're full of it," Wolf responded.

Michael made a face and yanked off the tarp in one swift movement. Underneath it was an in-ground pool that had a shallow end and a deep end. A VERY old in-ground pool that had a shallow end and a deep end. In fact, there was still water in it. GREEN water, but still water. I shuddered at the sight.

We all stood there and stared at the pool.

"When was the last time you used this thing?" Freddy asked.

Michael shrugged. "Probably the summer of 1953."

Freddy facepalmed. "Soooooo are you cleaning it out?"

"Yep! Anyone who wants to help is free to join me!"

"I'm out!" Jamie said.

"Nope," Ghostface said.

Wolf shook her head.

"F**k that!" Freddy said and he started to go back into the house.

"Take me with you!" I shouted.

Michael sighed. "At least _one_ of you needs to help me."

"NOSE GOES!" Wolf shouted and she put her finger on her nose.

Jamie and Ghostface did the same thing.

I didn't know what was happening, so I just put my finger on the nose of my mask.

We looked at Freddy, who didn't put his finger on his nose. "What?"

"You're last. You gotta help Myers," Ghostface explained.

"Oh, come ON!"

"Have fuuuun!~" Wolf said in a sing-song voice. Then she went into the house followed by Jamie, Ghostface, and me.

* * *

 _(Ghostface's POV)_

Welp, Freddy's is forced to help Mikey. Honestly, _I_ would have helped, but it's just so HOT out there! Whatever. If Freddy doesn't know what "Nose Goes" is, that's not MY fault. While they worked on the pool, the rest of us sat ourselves down in the living room.

"So what are we gonna do?" I asked.

"I dunno," Wolf responded.

"Ice cream?" Jamie asked hopefully.

"HELL YEAH!" The rest of us shouted in unison and we raced towards the kitchen. Wolf yanked the freezer door open and Jason pulled out every flavor we had.

Jason set aside butter pecan for himself. "What flavors do you guys want?"

"PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE!" Wolf shouted.

"STRAWBERRY!" Jamie shouted.

"MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP!" I shouted.

Jason poked his head out the window. "YOU GUYS WANT ICE CREAM?!"

"F**K YEAH!" Freddy shouted.

"KRUEGER!" Michael snapped. "AND, YES! I'D LIKE SOME!"

"WHAT FLAVORS?"

"CARAMEL!" Michael shouted.

"ROCKY ROAD!" Freddy shouted.

I checked the freezer. "WE'RE OUT OF ROCKY ROAD!"

"OKAY, MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP!"

"I ALREADY CALLED DIBS ON THAT!"

"... COOKIE DOUGH?!"

"YEP!"

We all grabbed the cartons of ice cream. Wolf, Michael, Freddy, and Jamie grabbed regular spoons. Jason grabbed a serving spoon. I didn't grab anything. Instead, I just removed my mask and buried my face in the carton.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I sighed when the cold ice cream hit my face. Then I chowed down.

We each ate about half the cartons before we decided we had enough. Then Freddy and Michael went back outside to finish up the pool.

While the rest of us waited, we all played Monopoly. About halfway through the game, a full-blown argument broke out between Wolf and Jason about mortgaging. I knew the fight might get physical if Jamie and I sat there and did nothing, so I shoved the instructions in their faces. Everyone knows that no one reads the rules to Monopoly until an argument breaks out.

Once that was settled, we continued again. Eventually, I went bankrupt, followed by Wolf and then Jamie, making Jason the winner. By then, Michael and Freddy came in.

"Pool's ready!" Michael said.

"HALLELUJAH!" I shouted and I sprinted to my room. Everyone followed me, desperate to get to their rooms. Well, everyone except Jason, that is.

We raced into our rooms and when we came back out, we were wearing our swimsuits. Mine is a pair of black swim trunks with a white waistband and a thin white stripe down each side.

Michael's is navy.

Wolf came out wearing a black rashguard with blue swim trunks

Jamie is wearing her pink and purple one-piece that now has a grayish tint to it from the slime incident.

Freddy's is green and red striped, which was expected.

Jason's had an ocean-like design on his.

Jason, Michael, and I ditched our masks. Based on the look of Jason's face, we could tell Freddy had forced him to put on the suit.

My attention was focused on Mikey, however. Damn, he looks soooooo hot in those trunks. Especially his abs.

"What are you staring at?" Michael asked, snapping me out of my trance.

It was then I remembered I didn't have my mask on. He saw my face gawking at him. And now my face is turning red! Great! Just great! Any chance I had with him just got scaled back about five years!

"N-nothing!" I sputtered and quickly looked away. I decided to change the subject. I raced down the stairs. "LAST ONE TO THE POOL IS FRIED LIKE FREDDY!"

"I REALLY HATE YOU SOMETIMES!" Freddy shouted as they gave chase.

* * *

 _(My POV)_

I ended up getting to the pool first, despite Ghostface's head start. Michael ended up getting "fried like Freddy" according to Ghostface.

As soon as I got to the edge of the pool, I jumped as high as I could and landed with a huge splash in the deep end. Ghostface and Jamie were hot in pursuit. Freddy and Michael sat on the edge and slid in. Jason just stood there, nervously looking at the water.

"Jason! Come in! The water's fine!" Jamie said as she started to perform a backstroke.

"I-I don't want to!" Jason said, clearly nervous.

"C'mon, Jase! You can do it!" I encouraged.

"N-no!"

"C'mon, man. Ya gotta face your fear at SOME point," Ghostface pointed out.

"Does it have to be today?"

"Yes!" we all said.

"Come over here," I instructed and I swam to the shallow end. Once in the two-foot area, I gestured for Jason to come down the stairs.

Jason just stared at the steps.

I sighed. "Jason, I know you are scared that this is going to be like last you set foot in water, but I PROMISE you it is not going to be like that. Not this time. Freddy, Michael, Jamie, Ghostface, and I are ALL here for you if you go under. We won't let that happen to you. If you just take baby steps, everything will be okay."

My tactic worked. Jason cautiously dipped a toe in and flinched, but he didn't remove his toe from the water. Instead, he proceeded to slide in his foot. The the other. Carefully, he worked his way down the stairs and on the pool floor, the water up to his thighs.

The others applauded from behind me.

"You're doing great! Wanna go a little deeper?" I offered.

Jason hesitated, but then he nodded. So we went to the three-foot area, then the four-foot, and then the five-foot. By now, the water was up to his chest, but he was still comfortable

"WHO WANTS TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL?!" Ghostface shouted.

"ME!" the rest of us shouted in unison.

Michael set up the net in the shallow end and we divided into two teams - Freddy, Jason, and me vs Michael, Ghostface, and Jamie.

Michael served and we hit the ball back and forth before we scored a point. Jason served, but it went out of bounds, giving them a point. It pretty much carried on like this for a long time.

We played until we decided to do something else. Michael, Ghostface, and Jamie ended up winning with 16 points while we had 12.

"Who wants to play Marco Polo?" I asked.

"ME!" everyone shouted.

"Who's gonna go first, though?" Jamie asked.

"NOSE GOES!" Ghostface hollered and he put his finger on his nose, followed by me, then Jamie, then Jason, then Freddy, then Michael.

"I'M NOT LAST!" Freddy shouted.

Michael sighed and he closed his eyes, outstretched his arms like a zombie and started walking around the pool. The rest of us just stayed out of his way. "Marco!"

"POLO!"

"Marco!"

"POLO!"

"Marco!"

"POLO!"

"Marco!"

"POLO!"

Michael was after Freddy. Freddy was frantically trying to get him. Freddy climbed out of the pool. Michael bumped into the wall. "Marco!"

"POLO!" Freddy bolted.

"FISH OUT OF WATER!" Michael shouted.

Freddy stopped. "DAMNIT!" he shouted as he jumped back in.

We carried on like this for a LONG time. By the time our game was over, we looked at our hands, which were all pruned up from the water, so we decided to call it a day.

Our pool day may have started off like hell, but in the end, it was a great day. And best of all, Jason got over his fear.

 **The End**


	5. Ice Bucket Challenge

_**I only own myself.**_

* * *

 **Title:** Ice Bucket Challenge

 **Rating:** T (for swearing and some of it is censored)

 **Genre:** Humor/Family

 _Sometime in January (Ghostface's POV)_

It was below freezing outside. We were bundled up as best as possible. We all wore what we usually wore, but we were buried in blankets. The power was out and there wasn't a game we were in the mood for. There was so much snow outside, we couldn't open the door. We were trapped.

"There is absolutely NOTHING to do!" I complained.

"And we're freezing our asses off!" Freddy added.

"Why don't we just do something?" Wolf said.

"Like what?" Jason asked.

Wolf smirked, devilishly. "Something utterly CRAZY!"

Michael smirked as well. "You have something in mind, don't you?"

"Yup!"

"What?" I asked. At this point, I was down for literally ANYTHING.

"Ice Bucket Challenge!" Wolf declared.

"IN THE MIDDLE OF A F**KING _BLIZZARD_?!" Freddy shouted.

"Yeah! We can watch each other freak out when the cold water touches ourselves!" Wolf explained.

"I'm in!" I shouted.

"Same!" Jamie quipped.

Michael shrugged. "Sure."

"Okay. Freddy?" Jason said.

"Y'all are nuts," Freddy said. But then he smirked. "I like it."

"ALL RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" I shouted and we all raced upstairs to the bathroom and changed into our swimsuits.

* * *

 _(Michael's POV)_

"All right! Who's goin' first?" I asked

"Wolf should go first! It was her idea! Besides, ladies first!" Freddy said.

Wolf glared at Freddy and crossed her arms so that clearly wasn't happening. "In that case, I nominate Krueger."

"Which Krueger?" Ghostface asked. "The younger Krueger (aka me) or the older Krueger (aka Bacon Boy)?"

"Bacon Boy!" Wolf responded.

"Uh-uh! Hell no!"

Jamie sighed. "NOSE GOES!" she shouted and put her finger on her nose.

I immediately put my finger on my nose, followed by Ghostface, then Wolf, then Jason, and, lastly, Freddy.

Freddy facepalmed. "I ALWAYS lose this game."

"Get in the tub!" I instructed.

Freddy made a face, but he stepped in.

Once he did that, Jason and I went downstairs. We got a bucket and filled it with water. I touched it. It was VERY cold. We went back upstairs.

I pulled out my phone and started filming.

"Before I do this, I just want to say I nominate Wolf to do this. I also nominate Charles "Chucky" Lee Ray, if he ever sees this, cause I'm still pissed at him. He knows why," Freddy said with a scowl.

Michael nodded to Jason and Jason dumbed the water on Freddy.

"AAAAAAGH! F**K F**K F**K F**K F**K! THAT SH*T IS _COLD!_ " Freddy yelped.

We all laughed and I stopped recording. "Well, Wolf. You heard him. You're up," I said.

"Okay. I probably should just get this over with," Wolf responded and she stepped into the tub. Freddy left the room to find a towel. Jason went downstairs and got another bucket of water while I uploaded Freddy's Ice Bucket Challenge to YouTube.

Jason came back with the water and I started recording. "I got nominated by Freddy Krueger to do this, so here it goes. Before I do so, I nominate Ghostface," Wolf said.

"Awww man!" Ghostface whined.

"Suck it up," Wolf said. She took a deep breath and then exhaled. "I'm ready."

Jason dumped the water on her.

"OH! OH MY LIN! OH, CRAP! THAT'S COLD!" Wolf yelped.

I stopped recording and posted it.

At that moment, Freddy came back into the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Wolf ran out to find a towel for herself.

"So Freddy. I know it's not my business, but DID Chucky do?" I asked.

"He died my Christmas sweater rainbow colors. It took FOREVER for me to get the dye out."

"Sorry about it," I responded.

Ghostface stepped into the tub while Jason went downstairs to get another bucket of water.

"I got nominated by Wolf, but I nominate Michael!" With these words, Ghostface snatched the bucket from Jason and put the bucket over his head, completely covering it. "Okay, that water is COLD!" Ghostface remarked.

I stopped recording and posted it. I handed my phone to Freddy. Wolf came back with her towel. Jason went to get a refill and I stepped into the tub. When Jason came back, Freddy started recording.

"I was nominated by Ghostface to do the Ice Bucket Challenge. I nominate my niece, Jamie, to do this," I stated. "Ready when you are, Jason,"

Jason nodded and dumped the water on me. The water was a LOT colder than I thought it was going to be once it soaked my whole body. "OH MY GOD!" I shouted.

Freddy laughed and stopped recording.

I left to grab a towel and while I was at it, I filled the bucket with water. When I got back, Freddy had uploaded the video to YouTube and Jamie was waiting in the tub.

Freddy started recording once I was in position.

"Hi. I'm Jamie and I got nominated by my uncle. I nominate my best friend (besides my uncle) Jason to do this afterward. Go ahead, Uncle Michael," Jamie said.

I carefully poured the water. Jamie gasped in shock, but other than that, she seemed okay. Freddy stopped recording and uploaded the video. Jamie and I went downstairs. Jamie got a towel while I refilled the bucket and grabbed a stool.

When we got back, Jason was in the tub. I set the stool down next to him and stood on it so that way I was taller than him.

"I got nominated by Jamie and I nominate Thomas Hewitt, aka Leatherface," Jason announced.

With that, I dumped the water on Jason. He let out a loud yelp. "WET! WETWETWETWETWET! AND COLD, TOO!" I guess he's still not that fond of water. I can't say I blame him, though.

Freddy uploaded the video while Jason went downstairs to get a towel. Once everyone was dried off and back in regular clothes, we gathered around my phone and watched the videos. We noticed Chucky posted a comment on Freddy's

 _THAT INCIDENT WAS MONTHS AGO! **sigh** But I'll do it._

We also noticed there was a reply from Tiffany.

 _Damn RIGHT you'll do it!_

Leatherface had also posted a comment on Jason's video.

 _Thanks for the nomination. I'll gladly do it!_

We all smiled at the fact that we were starting awesome amongst ourselves.

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Well THAT took longer than I thought. Oh well.**_

 _ **Keep in mind, our videos don't actually exist. :/ If they did, I would've posted the links.**_

 _ **Anyway, peace out! Be sure to R &R.**_


	6. Sh-tfaced

_**I only own Wolf aka me.**_

* * *

 **Title:** Sh*tfaced

 **Rating:** T

 **Genre:** Humor

 _Freddy and Jason's anniversary (My POV)_

Michael was flipping through the channels. I was sitting next to him on the couch. Ghostface was on the recliner and Jamie sat on the floor. There was nothing on. It was Freddy and Jason's first anniversary. They've officially been dating for one year. They were upstairs, probably doing it. Or so we thought. All of a sudden, we heard the two of them laughing like idiots.

The four of us exchanged confused looks.

"What are they DOING up there?" Jamie asked.

"Doesn't sound like love to ME," Ghostface said.

Freddy and Jason suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs. They laid down a blanket and sat on top of it. Then they slid down the stairs on it.

"I CAN SHOW YOU DA WUUUUUUURLD!" Freddy shouted and the two of them landed at the bottom of the stairs in a heap, laughing their heads off.

"WTF?!" Michael asked.

"That was soooooooo FUN!" Jason said.

"Wanna do it again?"

"HELL YEAH!" Jason shouted as they scrambled back up the stairs. Then they did the exact same thing.

"Why did you do that?" Jamie asked.

"CUZ IT'S FUN!" Freddy yelled.

"You two are acting REALLY weird," I remarked.

"Hey, Freddy!"

"Yes, Jasey-Wasey?"

"Remember the shinemoon?"

"I think you mean 'Shoonmine.'"

"Nah, pretty sure it's shinemoon."

"... Moonshine?" Michael asked.

"YEAH! THAT'S THE WORD!" the two of them shouted in unison.

"Wait, you two are DRUNK?" Ghostface asked.

"Yep!" Freddy responded.

"And you're a dork!" Jason added.

"THAT SOUNDS FUN!" Ghostface shouted. "I'M GONNA GET DRUNK TOO!"

"Sure! Join the party!" Freddy said.

"The Shiny-moon is under Freddy mattress with his porn!" Jason said.

"Thanks!" Ghostface said and he ran up the stairs, nearly tripping in the process.

"Okay, First of all, it's 'moonshine.' Second of all, wouldn't having bottles of moonshine under your mattress be uncomfortable AF?" Michael said.

"It is, but EET'S WORTH EET!" Freddy responded.

"What's porn?" Jamie asked.

"Okay, so it's these magazines that feature pictures of -"

"THAT'S ENOUGH KRUEGER!" Michael cut him off.

Suddenly, Ghostface appeared at the top of the stairs. "I LOVE PARACHUTING!" he shouted. Then he jumped over the side with a plastic bag held above his head. The plastic bag wasn't effective and he crashed on the floor.

"Ghostface, are you okay?" Michael asked.

"I think I hurt my leg. WHATEVER! I'M HAPPIER THAN A DOG WITH PEANUT BUTTER ON HIS NOSE!"

"How much did you drink?" Michael asked.

"SIXTY-FIVE HUNDRED ZOOMIES! YUP!" Ghostface responded.

"Daaaaamn!" Freddy said. "I don't think I've ever been THAT drunk!"

"ME NEITHER!" Jason shouted.

"Oh my Lin-Manuel Miranda. We're in for a rough night," I said.

Michael nodded.

"Can I get drunk, too? It looks fun!" Jamie said.

"NO!" Michael and I shouted in unison.

"I WANNA SING!" Ghostface shouted.

"Nuuuuu! YOU IS A TERRIBLE SINGAH!" Jason shouted.

Ghostface ignored him. "WOOOOOOAAAAAAH! HALF-WAY THEEEERE! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH! LEEEEMON ON A PEEEEAAAAR!"

"THAT WAS AWESOME!" Freddy shouted and he clapped.

"AWWWWW YOU DON'T MEAN THAT!" Ghostface said, embarrassed.

"That song was weird," Michael said.

"AND YOU'RE SEXY!" Ghostface responded.

"I'm WHAT?" Michael shouted

"YOU HEARD ME! I'VE BEEN CRUSHING ON YOU SINCE WE FIRST MET!" Ghostface shouted.

"You have?"

"It's really funny, you see. Ghostie here has been dropping all dees hints and you didn't even notice!" Freddy explained.

"Really?" Michael asked.

"YEP! SEE YA CUTIE!" Ghostface said and he stood up and ran over to Freddy and Jason. The three of them started doing a drunk kick line while singing "The Story of Tonight" from _Hamilton_.

"Seriously, how much did you guys drink?" I asked.

"A TON!" they shouted.

I facepalmed.

"OH! OH! GUYS I HAS A GENIUS IDEA!" Ghostface shouted.

"I LOVE genius ideas!" Jason said.

"What is it?" Freddy asked.

"TO THE KITCHEN!" Ghostface shouted and the three of them ran to the kitchen.

"The kitchen?" I repeated.

"Oh no. We better go interfere before they do something stupid," Michael said.

Too late.

"ONE! TWO! THREE! GO!"

 _CRASH!_

Laughter.

Michael, Jamie, and I ran into the kitchen and saw Ghostface, Freddy, and Jason were lying on the floor, laughing hysterically. The table was in pieces.

"MY TABLE!" Michael shouted.

"YOU'RE PROBLEM!" Freddy shouted. Then they all laughed.

"What. Did you guys. Do?" I asked.

"WE JUMPED ONTO THE TABLE!" Ghostface shouted.

"WHY?!" Michael, Jamie, and I shouted in unison.

"CUZ WE WANTED TO HEAR DA TABLE GO _CRUNCH!"_ Jason added.

"Are you sure it was a _crunch_? It sounded more like a _crackle,_ " Freddy said.

"Nah. It was definitely a _crunch,_ " Jason responded. "Anyway, Ghostface was right! That WAS genius!"

We facepalmed.

"Are any of you hurt?" Michael asked.

"NO! WHY?! ARE _YOU_ HURT?!" Freddy shouted.

"Nuuuuuuu! Mikey's huuuuuurt!" Ghostface whined.

Michael face-walled. "I'm NOT hurt, Ghostface!"

"Whew! What a relief!"

"How much longer until they sober up?" I asked.

"Who knows," Michael responded.

"I DON'T WANNA SOBER UP!" Jason shouted.

"NEITHER DO I!" Freddy agreed.

"I HAPPY DIS WAE!" Ghostface shouted.

"They're gonna have one heckuva hangover in the morning," I remarked.

"MORNINGS SUCK!" Freddy shouted.

"Come on. Why don't we get you all to bed before you do anything else that's stupid," Michael said.

"OKAY!" Jason shouted.

"I LOVE SLEEP!" Ghostface added.

"SLEEP'S AMAZING!" Freddy agreed.

We assisted the three of them to their beds and the rest of the night was peaceful.

* * *

 _The next morning (Jason's POV)_

When I woke up, my head hurt. A LOT. It felt like it was exploding. Everything seemed so loud, even Freddy's breathing. What even HAPPENED last night? I can't remember...

I woke up Freddy and we went downstairs.

"My head hurts so f**king MUCH!" Freddy moaned.

"Do you remember what happened last night? Because I don't," I said.

"I don't remember, either," Freddy said.

We stumbled into the living room and we saw Michael, Wolf, and Jamie were sitting in the living room eating breakfast. Normally, they'd be in the kitchen at the table.

"Why aren't you eating at the table?" I asked.

"The table's broken, remember?" Michael said.

"Broken?" Freddy echoed.

"Yup. You seriously don't remember?" Wolf asked.

At that moment, Ghostface stumbled down the stairs. "Uhhhh... this hangover SUCKS," he moaned. "Welp, I'm gonna get some water. Maybe that'll help." With that, he stumbled into the kitchen. "OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TABLE?!" he suddenly yelled.

Freddy and I clutched our heads. "PLEASE! DON'T YELL!" I shouted.

"OW! MY HEAD! STUPID HANGOVER!" Ghostface yelled.

"So NONE of you remember ANYthing about last night?" Michael asked.

"Nope," the three of us said in unison.

"Well, as you can see, you guys broke the table," Wolf said.

"And Ghostface said he has a crush on me," Michael added.

"I ... I did WHAT?!" Ghostface sputtered.

"Yeah. You did. You finally confessed," Wolf said.

Ghostface fainted.

We all stared at him. Freddy broke the silence. "Any of you know a good cure for a hangover?"

"Have some Ramen. It works like a charm," Wolf suggested.

Freddy and I heated up some Ramen and prepped some for Ghostface for when he came around. Wolf was right. It DID work like a charm.

But the hangover still sucked. Plus we broke the table. That's the last time I get sh*tfaced. At least, for a while, anyway.

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Wow! Two one-shots completed in one day! I feel so accomplished!**_

 _ **Be sure to R &R.**_


	7. Why we have an Outhouse in the Backyard

_**Something silly I came up with. Inspired by HavocHound's "Bathroom Problems" in his PAW Patrol Shorts collection.**_

 _ **I only own myself.**_

* * *

 **Title:** Why we have an Outhouse in the Backyard

 **Rating:** K+

 **Genre:** Humor

 _My POV_

I was standing outside the bathroom, holding a towel, a bar of soap, shampoo, and some conditioner. Behind me was Freddy, who had his legs crossed. Jamie was behind Freddy and she had her legs crossed, too. She was also bouncing a little. Jason clearly needed to go, too. At the very back of the line, Michael was holding his towel, bar of soap, shampoo, and conditioner. I pounded on the door the fifth time in a row. "GHOSTFACE! HURRY UP! YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE LINE!"

"I'M STILL SHOWERING! LET ME SHOWER IN PEACE!" Ghostface responded.

"YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR THE PAST FIFTEEN MINUTES!" Freddy shouted.

"JUST GIVE ME A FEW MORE MINUTES!" Ghostface groaned.

"YOU SAID THAT FIVE MINUTES AGO!" I shouted.

"PLEASE HURRY UP!" Jamie begged.

"I THINK I'M ABOUT TO BURST!" Jason hollered.

"I CAN'T HOLD IT IN MUCH LONGER!" Freddy pleaded.

"CHILLAX! I'M ALMOST DONE!" Ghostface hollered.

"YOU SAID THAT SEVEN MINUTES AGO!" Michael hollered back.

"AND DON'T HOG ALL THE HOT WATER!" I added.

"Says the girl who used all the hot water last time," Michael said.

I glared at him. "Shut up. It was cold outside and I wanted to get warm fast."

Freddy shrugged. "I feel you. I did that once."

Jason still had his legs crossed and was bouncing like crazy. "I REALLY need to go!" he moaned.

"Me too!" Jamie agreed.

"I really regret drinking that coffee," Freddy added.

"Screw this! I can't hold it any longer!" Jason said. He went up to the door and kicked it down.

"REALLY MAN?! PRIVACY, DUDE! HEARD OF IT?!" Ghostface snapped as he turned off the water. He wrapped a towel around himself and raced upstairs to his room. "Shower's open!" he declared on the way up. "Just shield your eyes!"

"No need!" Jason responded as he came back out of the bathroom.

I walked in and got into the shower. Once I closed the curtain, I saw Jamie's silhouette go straight for the toilet. "Just don't flush!" I told her as I turned on the water.

After Jamie went, Freddy came in to do his thing.

"Just don't flush!" I told him.

I probably should've been louder, because I heard a flush. I like hot showers, but not as hot as the one I was experiencing right now.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" I screamed in pain as I shut off the water, frantically. I quickly wrapped a towel around myself and chased Freddy out of the bathroom. I didn't care I was dripping.

Michael watched us and stepped into the bathroom.

I continued chasing Freddy around the house and a scream of pain from the bathroom told me that Michael turned on the water before the toilet was done flushing.

* * *

 _Michael's POV_

After the water cooled and I took my shower, I called a family meeting. We gathered in the living room. Jamie, Wolf, and I sat down on the couch, Ghostface took a seat on the floor in front of the couch, Jason sat in the recliner and Freddy sat in Jason's lap.

"So you're probably wondering why I brought you all here," I started.

"The bathroom situation?" Wolf asked.

"Correctamundo," I replied. "There are so many people in this house and only one bathroom. What happened earlier was about the tenth time it happened. We need an extra bathroom."

"But where are we going to put it?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah. We don't have enough room," Ghostface agreed.

"How about an outhouse?" Jason suggested.

"An outhouse?" Wolf repeated.

"Yeah. That's what we have back at Crystal Lake!" Jason reasoned.

I smiled. I liked the idea. "All in favor of an outhouse, say "I'."

"I!" everyone said in unison.

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **So, yeah. That's why there's an outhouse in the backyard.**_


	8. The Floor is Lava

_**Something silly again. LOL.**_

 _ **I only own myself.**_

* * *

 **Title:** The Floor is Lava

 **Rating:** K+

 **Genre:** Humor/Family

 _Michael's POV_

After a small shopping trip, I walked up the walkway and opened the door to my house. But as soon as I opened the door I froze, my jaw dropped, and I dropped the grocery bags. The sight was really ... something. Ghostface was dangling from the chandelier in the doorway. Jamie was clinging to the handrail on the staircase. A set of chairs formed a bridge from the dining room table to the couch and Freddy was crossing it. He flopped on the couch. Jason was somehow balancing on the flatscreen TV. Wolf was sitting on top of a bookshelf that had five shelves. As soon as I walked in, they all looked at me.

"UNCLE MICHAEL! QUICK! CLIMB ONTO SOMETHING!" Jamie yelped.

I was confused. "Why?" I asked.

"THE FLOOR IS LAVA!" Ghostface yelled from above me.

"The floor is ... lava?" I asked, really confused.

"YES!" everyone shouted in unison.

"MICHAEL! YOUR FEET ARE BURNING!" Freddy yelped as he pointed to my feet.

I looked down at my feet, but they weren't burning. "Are you guys high?" I asked.

"Well, me and Ghostface are!" Wolf laughed.

"I don't mean in terms of hight! I mean in terms of drugs!" I explained, starting to get concerned.

"OOOOHHHHHH! Yeah, no!" Wolf laughed.

"We're just bored!" Jason said, giggling childishly.

Now I was concerned about their sanity.

"We're playing 'The Floor is Lava!' Wanna join?" Wolf asked.

"How did you even come UP with this?" I asked.

"We were bored!" Freddy said.

"There was nothing on TV," Ghostface said.

"I'M on the TV!" Jason joked.

They ignored him.

"We didn't find any books that looked interesting," Wolf continued.

"And there weren't any games we were in the mood to play except this one!" Jamie finished

"By the way, we actually ARE high. On sugar, anyway," Ghostface said, laughing like an idiot.

"How did you get so bored so quickly?" I asked. "I was only gone for twenty minutes!"

They looked at each other.

"We get bored easily. You should know that about us by now," Wolf replied.

I looked back up at Ghostface. "How did you even get UP there?"

"I climbed to the top of the stairs and then I jumped," Ghostface giggled.

I facepalmed.

"So do you wanna play, too?" Wolf asked.

I shrugged. I had nothing better to do. "Sure."

"Here! Allow me to help!" Freddy said. He removed the sofa cushions and threw them onto the floor to form a bridge. I hopped across the sofa cushion bridge and landed on the couch next to Freddy.

"Thanks for giving me a landing pad!" Wolf called to Freddy.

I immediately knew what she was going to do. "DON'T DO IT!" I shouted.

Too late. She jumped from the shelf and landed squarely on her feet on a sofa cushion. Then she sat down.

"Umm ... guys? I'm kind of hungry," Ghostface said.

"Well, I did just get back from the grocery store. What'cha in the mood for?" I asked.

"Got any Hershey bars?"

"Dude, you've had enough sugar," Jason said.

"We all have," Jamie agreed. Then she carefully balanced on the handrail and jumped. I immediately noticed she wasn't going to make it to the couch so I reached out my arms as far as I could and caught her. I pulled her onto the couch. Freddy crossed the chair-bridge to the dining room table. Then he jumped from the table to the counter on the kitchen. He used the counter to walk to the fridge and he opened it up. He grabbed a couple of random things and came back the way he came.

He tossed Jason the bag of grapes, me a jar of olives, Wolf a tomato, Jamie some chunked watermelon, and he chucked a bottle of Nesquik at Ghostface. For himself, four bottles of beer.

We ate our snacks in silence. After we ate/drank, I spoke up. "So how long does the game go?"

"Until one of us touches the floor," Jason answered. Then he launched himself at the sofa cushion bridge and jumped onto the recliner.

"Guys? I wanna get down from here, but I don't know how," Ghostface said.

"Lemme help you!" offered a now drunk Freddy. He chucked one of his empty bottles at the chandelier. It missed Ghostface by an inch and smashed against the wall.

"Dude! What the hell was that for?" Ghostface yelped.

Freddy shrugged. "I'm trying to knock you out of the chandelier."

"No! There's got to be a better way that doesn't involve any injury!"

Freddy ignored him and chucked his second bottle at the chandelier. It hit it and it started swinging. Ghostface tightened his grip in the chandelier.

Freddy chucked his other two bottles. The fourth one hit the chain supporting the chandelier and the bottle shattered. Seeing that made Freddy's face light up.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, concerned.

Freddy ignored me and jumped onto the recliner and he jumped onto the handrail. He cautiously climbed the stairs and then jumped onto the chandelier. With his extra weight on it, there was a sickening crack. Then the chandelier came crashing down.

"YEEEE-HA!" Freddy shouted as the chandelier fell. Ghostface just screamed.

When the chandelier crashed, it went straight through the floor and into the basement. I was in shock. "Are you guys okay?!" I shouted.

"Yes! Why?! Are YOU okay?!" Freddy laughed, drunkenly.

"Yes! I'm fine! Also, I'm glad you're okay!"

"Awww! You DO care about me!"

"No! Once you get out of there, I'm gonna kick your drunk ass!" I shouted, enraged.

"Hey, Ghostface! Are YOU okay?" Wolf shouted.

"He's unconscious!" Freddy shouted.

"I wish YOU were unconscious so that way you'd stop talking," I grumbled. I started to climb over the arm cushion, but then Jamie grabbed my arm.

"Uncle Michael, no! Don't forget we're still playing!"

I flopped back onto the couch. Then we heard thumping in the stairs. Then Freddy kicked open the basement door, carrying our unconscious Ghostface above his head.

"Guess who back in da HOUSE?" Freddy sang, referring to "Call me Mother" by RuPaul.

"Krueger, get your drunken ass over here," I growled.

"Yes, Mommy!" Freddy chirped and he jumped onto the dining room table. He crossed the chair-bridge and flopped on the couch. I grabbed Ghostface and slapped him in the face. That did the trick.

"Wha- What happened?"

"Your drunk brother destroyed my chandelier and knocked you out in the process," I explained.

"Oh, who cares?!" Freddy laughed.

Wolf sighed. "Dude, you need to get sober."

"Go to your room and don't come back until you're sober," I ordered.

"Ooooooookaaaaaaay if I HAVE toooooooooo," Freddy said. "Hey, Jasey! Care to join me?!" he added, wiggling where his eyebrows used to be.

"Oh ho ho ho ho! You KNOW I do!" Jason replied. The two of them raced up the stairs, completely ignoring the "Don't touch the floor" rule.

"They touched the floor. I guess that means the game is over," Ghostface said.

"Yeah. I guess so," I said.

"Welp, I'm gonna be jamming in my room if you need me. See you guys," Wolf said and she went up the stair.

"Take me with you!" Ghostface shouted and he raced up the stairs with Wolf.

Jamie grabbed the remote and started looking for something to watch.

As for me, I just decided to go online and start looking for a new chandelier.

 **The End**

* * *

 ** _I suck as endings. XD_**


End file.
